Acts of violence are breeders of anguish. For all the days that man has walked on the face of planet earth, it has been so. No epoch in human history exists where acts of violence, slavery, abuse, and suffering were absent. Forced labor from conscripted, indentured, and enslaved workers built the wonders of the ancient world. The history of humankind from Cain’s murder of his brother, Abel, until today, has been blotted with acts of violence and evil.
Further acts of violence cannot quench the suffering that flows from past and ongoing injuries. Victims and advocates may deface the markers of the past. But none of those actions can erase the enduring pain of injuries, collective and personal, that persist. That is true of both your personal past, our societal past, and our civilization’s past.
Ask any survivor of national atrocities or personal abuse; they will tell you: the pain persists. We can attempt to ignore it, but it exists. Revisionist historians can confuse our thinking about acts of violence by nations against their citizens, but that will not dull the pain inflicted.
This scene in Dickens’ “Christmas Carol” flashes into my mind. Just before the Spirit of Christmas Past departs, Scrooge questions what protrudes from under his green robe. He shrinks back as “two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable” are exposed. The Spirit warns an appalled Scrooge: “This boy is Ignorance. This girl is want. Beware of them both…. but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased.” The dire warning continues and Scrooge cries in response: “Have they no refuge or resource?” The Spirit’s answer mocks him with his own, previously ill spoken, words. Old contrary Scrooge emerges from his encounter with the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future as a changed man. Dickens proclaims: “He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world.”
Like Scrooge, we must be wary of going through life “with our eyes half-closed” to the real suffering that surrounds us – on the societal and personal levels – in our families and in our churches, which were meant to be safe havens.
Consider the individual level:
- Acts of vengeance will not undo the wrong done to you.
- Were you scammed? Your bank account will still be depleted whether you punch holes in the scammer’s tires or not.
- Requiring retribution of those who wronged you, ruminating on the business partner or friend who ‘did you wrong’ will steep you in bitterness.
- Brooding over the past will not outfit you for congenial company and civil conversation.
And, we witness group levels of vengeance in our country today:
- Mass vengeance of defacing statues, burning, breaking, looting, and name-calling
- Will these restore justice to the oppressed or peace to our communities?
Carrying out acts of vengeance lack the power to restore peace to your soul and comfort to your heart. (Wishing for your ex-spouse or enemy’s demise goes in the unhealthy category too.)
Anger management is a bit like being on a fire watch. It only takes one spark, Smoky the Bear warned. Remember the rest of the slogan? “Only you can prevent forest fires!”
I recall a time period when therapists suggested that angry clients release their anger by smashing glass in a seemingly harmless and safe way. That once touted therapy was debunked. Going outside and smashing a glass on your patio is ineffective. But it will leave you with a mess to clean up, and physical work is good therapy.
Physical expressions of anger will reinforce your anger habit, not resolve it. Verbal barrages of angry words may not be sticks and stones, but their damage lands like a hurled brick.
Is this really what we, as a family, community, or nation, want to be our new status quo?
Although we live in uncertain times, we should want to influence our community toward goodness and kindness. Can we see the real anguish all around us? Whatever happens to our ‘brother’ on our watch is still our responsibility.
I am uncertain what we can do at the societal level right now. But I firmly believe that we can do much at the individual and family level. We can start by recognizing and addressing the pain hidden in our own relationships.
Become Aware.
See the ones you have only glanced at before.
Listen longer. Be kinder.
And please, could we work together to restore civil conversation in our personal relationships and communities?
There is a better way –
“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” James 3:17-18
